Monthly Archive for June, 2010

If you want to create the life you want – and I mean really do it this time – you need to know your hooks. A hook is a predictable behaviour or thought pattern that distracts you from moving towards your goals.  It works like this: each time you take a step towards creating the life you want, something “hooks you” and veers you off your path.  There is usually a pattern – we tend to get hooked by the same stuff repeatedly.  By understanding your hooks, you can catch them before they drag you down, and you can make a choice that steers you in a more fulfilling direction.  Here are the most common hooks:

• People Pleasers. This hook takes you down a path that is great for other people, but not for you.  Because you are trying to please other people, you make choices based on what you think other people want or expect from you, or based on what you think you SHOULD do. End result? Highly respectable and miserable person.
• Money, Status, Power – This is an elusive one because many people don’t realize it is a hook.  Here, you are hooked by people, jobs and situations which have the intrigue or possibility of money, status, and power at the expense of something that is truly fulfilling to you.  When you go for the money, status, or power repeatedly it takes you down the wrong path. That is, you don’t create a life that fits with your best self, or values.
• It’s such a great opportunity! - In simple terms this is the “can’t say no” syndrome, or “let me see if can do more in the next ten minutes then most people try to accomplish in a life time.” Here, just the idea of missing out on an opportunity hooks you. The downside? If you say yes to every opportunity that comes your way, you are probably going to be fat, stressed, and joyless.
• Perfectionism – In society, we pretend that being a perfectionist is a great thing. A good safe answer about your weaknesses in a job interview is, “Oh, I am such a perfectionist.”  But this hook sucks.  When you try to do everything perfect, you immobilize yourself.  You take on too much, don’t delegate enough, and you get less done.  End result?  Big distraction from doing what truly fulfills you.
• Approval Seekers. This one is a bit different from people pleasing, but there is usually a close relationship. Here, you want to avoid criticism. You play it safe because you want to avoid being rejected by someone, or something. If you are doing what you love, do you really care if people reject you? Who are these people anyway?
• “I have no needs” - This hook is also called the “vanishing self.” The reason you don’t create what you want is because you are so busy doing things for other people and accommodating them, that you have lost touch with your own needs. This hook is elusive and tricky to detect.  It is usually tied to some jerk in the past who told you that your opinion doesn’t matter.
• It’s all luck anyway – This hook is the one that leaves you thinking that anything you could, or would do, won’t work. You somehow think that the people who are doing what they want, are just lucky. If you attribute success to luck, you can get away with eating French fries, and watching TV, because nothing you do matters anyway.
• I don’t trust myself – If you have this hook, you don’t trust your own judgment.  You ask other people for their input, and you feel anxious about your ability to read a situation and make a call about what to do. In reality, if you ask people whether your dream “makes sense,” they will probably say no.  How many people do you know who have created what they want?  Not many.  Too many hooks.  Pick your advisers carefully, and strategically.

So, the moral of the story? Know your hooks! If you can recognize what hooks you, you can catch it before it brings you down.  When you catch yourself getting hooked, it gives you a window of opportunity to make a new choice.  As you start to do this again and again, you start to inch your way to a more fulfilling career and life.

Many of my clients ask me to help them define a “high potential” leader.  There are many different models out there, but I tend to consider the following four elements because it is grounded in research and practical:

Results – Do they have a track record of achieving business results?  If a leader can be counted on to get work done, and they tend to take on work that drives value and competitive advantage for the organization, it is a precursor for future promotions.  When evaluating results, it is important to consider whether they are on the critical path for the organization.  That is, they take initiative and get results that will drive the business goals forward and they do things that take the company to the next level.

Relationships – How do they get the work done?  Fundamentally, an effective leader is concerned with the “What” and the “Who” at work.  They get results, and they proactively build relationships with key stakeholders.  They take the time to identify who has influence in the organization and who will impact their goals.  They win the hearts and minds of others and they are able to have constructive conversations even when there is conflict.

Engagement – Do they want to stay with the organization?  If a leader has the intention to quit and their career or lifestyle goals do not align with the job at hand, it will impact their potential.  The bottom line is that a person who aspires to do the work and who is bought into the mission will have greater potential than someone who is idly passing time.

Learning Ability – Have they demonstrated that when they are given a challenge they rise to the moment?  With each leadership position that is progressively more complex, people need to be able to learn things fast and apply them.  I am not talking about doing google searches and getting more information.  I am talking about the ability to absorb information, create a strategy, and execute in complex situations.  This is more than intelligence.  It involves doing research, analyzing situations, assessing risks and the probability of success, and deciding what to do.