Monthly Archive for September, 2011

I just finished a three day Masters level coaching course with The Behavioural Coaching Institute that summarized the latest research, models, and techniques on how to change behaviour at work.  I was keen to take the course because most of my clients need to change their leadership style and adjust their behaviour in some way to get the results they want.  What I have noticed is that clients may have logical reasons for wanting to change, but if their emotions don’t line up with the thinking, they get blocked.

In the course I learned about all aspects of behaviour change, yet the piece that was new and meaningful for me was learning about the emotional barriers to change.  Specifically, I learned how to use a coaching technique called Emotional Replacement. The idea behind the technique is that behaviour change happens mostly by engaging a person’s emotions and feelings, and a key to behaviour change is facilitating an emotional connection to the change, rather than just a logical one.  To me, this made intuitive sense.  For example, my client Shaun knows that he needs to talk to his boss about his behaviour at a recent meeting, but he is so fearful of his bosses’ reaction that he can’t bring himself to do it.  The emotion is blocking him.

Using the emotional replacement technique, I learned how to unlock the emotion in a coaching session, so the client moves from a negative to a positive frame of reference.  The process involves identifying the negative emotions that a client is experiencing about a certain situation, and then having them imagine a different scenario that elicits positive feelings.  Then, you essentially swap out the negative for the positive emotions, and you see how this emotional replacement shifts the client’s feelings about what is happening in the present.  This emotional replacement is powerful because it shifts perspectives, and beliefs, and it elicits a different physiological and neurological response.  The positive emotions also relax the person, and being in a relaxed state is one key for making mindful choices.

My key take away was….when trying to change behaviour, if you work on the thoughts and actions without addressing the emotions and feelings, your probability of success goes way down.  There are lots of simple ways to work with emotions that will feel natural in a coaching session and resonate with  leaders who work in the corporate world.

Tonight I was laying on the couch with my daughter after doing a big hike.  I was lazily contemplating something that I needed to buy during the upcoming week and I said to my husband, “Oh, I have to buy x.”  I can’t even recall what the item was.

My daughter who is three overhead me and said, “And, we need to buy me a pink ball with a heart on it.”

I replied, “Why’s that?”

She said, “Shinky (our dog) ate it.”

I thought about this and then replied, “Well, maybe there’s no point in buying another one because the dog will probably eat that one too.”

She said proudly and enthusiastically, “I have an idea!  We can buy one for me and one for Shinky.”

I gave this some serious thought for about a minute and then exclaimed, “I have a better idea!  Why don’t we buy nothing!”

My husband who was listening to our conversation from the kitchen while making dinner piped up, “That’s the best idea I have heard in a long time.”

I agreed and said, “Okay, well, why don’t we start having “buy nothing” week.  For the first week of every month, we will buy nothing.”  He loved it.

So, there you have it.  Starting the first week in October, this will be our family tradition.  Our rule is that we can stock up on food and gas the day before buy nothing week, and then our goal is to buy nothing for the rest of the week.  Our logic is that if we have taught our child consumerism at such a young age and we know that excessive consumerism is at the backbone of many of the world’s problems, maybe we should teach her some other values too – like appreciating and using what you have.  My grandparents lived by this philosophy and in all honesty, they were the biggest environmentalists I knew and some of the most inspiring people.

So, I will let you know how it goes, but for now, I wanted to share the idea in case it inspired something for you and your family.

On the one hand, I am glad we are doing this, and on the other hand, I find it weird that this is even a big deal.  Shouldn’t it be easy to buy nothing?